So, to be totally frank, I'm scared. My friend, S, who definitely has my best interests at heart, reminded me of the wobbly line I walk when talking so openly about the acts of my son. My son who is a rapist, but who doesn't have the official title of "sex offender" (and therefore, no real accountability to "the system"). My son who was never prosecuted and punished for his crimes, even though he openly admitted to police all that he had perpetrated against my daughter - for more than two years! My son who was, in fact, rewarded for his behavior, with four years of free college and a hefty monthly stipend for living expenses because our system is broken. It is not a system for victims/survivors, as you probably already know.
My son still wields power over me and my family. I loathe that, but I guess I must respect it, too. I do not, in fact, have the freedoms that he has. He can tell or not tell. Openly. Each time I tell (esp. to people who know us), I am scared because it could all come back to haunt me. To haunt us. I could be sued for libel, for damaging his unblackened, unsullied reputation. Yes, even by telling the truth, a truth he admitted to. But then I ask, "What reputation?" The one with the "ladies" (maybe your teenage daughter)?? The one with the "youth" he has easy access to in his church. The one with the young families who live in his apartment complex, who ride the city bus, who use the same public restrooms/parks/beaches? The one with his fellow students who have no idea they are sitting next to a child rapist in their college classes.
And so, I retreat a little. I scale back on my openness in my postings. I rethink whether I would actually consider displaying at an author's book fair in my small town, even with my family's blessing. I reconsider who I permit to know it's *my* family's story.
And then, I hear from my sister the same type of fear regarding her Tell TUESDAY guest videoblog earlier this week. The one where she tells the truth about her daughter's father's embarrassing and hurtful actions surrounding the exposure of the abuse in his home by his step-son. I immediately offer to pull the video at anytime she might want. She is scared, and her fear...rather than reinforcing my own fear, actually gives me strength. THIS is why we are doing this blog. No more silence. No more shame.
Frank FRIDAY on a lighter note:
Let's be Frank, shall we? Me first: Frank Sinatra: “Don’t hide your scars. They make you who you are” (Mags)
Franklin D. Roosevelt: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself" (LaLa)
Frankenstein: "Beware; for I am fearless and therefore powerful" (Evie)
>>>of particular note, there were 276 quotes for Frankenstein, but only 113 for Roosevelt. Just sayin'!
Frankfurter: "Hot diggity dog!" (Perry)
Frank Pearl (from Judy Moody): "C'mon. Last one up's a rotten banana!" (Phoebs)
Feel free to carry on being Frank or frank...
Do *you* have a childhood sexual abuse story to share?
Mags Karn
Author of The Tell: A Memoir
*** WRITING THE WRONG ***
No more silence. No more shame.
No comments:
Post a Comment