You may be surprised to know that none of my girls has read my book yet, and my son doesn't even know I wrote one! Even so, The Tell: A Memoir, was published with the total support and encouragement of my husband *and* our three daughters (now *that* is trust!). There was one condition, though; "Evie" requested that I change everyone's names in order to protect her privacy (especially among school friends). Please remember that at the time of publication (Father's Day 2014), very few people knew our story at all, including most of our extended family! By the way, Evie says she hasn't read the book yet because she "can hardly remember the details any longer", and she doesn't want to remember them right now. (It's a process.) I don't think Evie's sisters should read it until they are older, and I'm just not ready to tell my son about the book.
Since telling our story, I have been honored and humbled by so many others sharing with me their own similar stories, and I have been equally saddened that they, like us, have felt the need to keep silent (until now) about their abuse. Some have said they never told another soul... not their parents, best friend, or even spouse! Of the incredibly brave souls sharing stories with us on the Tell TUESDAY videoblogs, none has wanted to share her identity. Yet. It's all still so raw and so intimidating. It's difficult enough just to say the words to ourselves, never mind to our family, friends, and total strangers.
Just so you know, my kids ask me every day what new stories there are. I share pretty much everything with them while being very careful to protect privacy where needed. I want my children to know they are not alone, just as I am no longer alone. You are not alone. *We* are not alone. Already, my kids are beginning to talk about maybe going public. It's gone from "never" to "maybe my senior year" (according to my 10th grader, "Evie"....the one with perhaps the most to lose - besides our son! - by going public)... all in less than two months on the market!
My children are talking more about this on their own, too. Without the shame. I have YOU all to thank for that. Your stories have helped so much and continue to help my family heal. Even the very few negative emails/posts we've received from people who have not even read the book, but are "horrified by (my) behavior as a mother" in writing about such a topic, continue to help us heal. Why? Because it validates for us that it really still *is* such a taboo topic, and that there is still so much work to do to remove the stigma for survivors of child sexual abuse (CSA). But also because of the supportive emails that never fail to flood in after such negative remarks. That support is SO EMPOWERING. Believe me when I say that my girls and I have all done the *fist pump* and the *happy dance* after reading your responses to those nay-sayers. I hope some of the indignity and humiliation... some of the shame... is lifting from you, too, when you learn just how *not alone* you really are!
I, personally, wish that I could post now as myself. That I could republished the book without anonymity concerns. I wish I could speak publicly about this without worry that there might be any sort of reprisal. Maybe someday. Maybe even soon.
Frank FRIDAY.
Stay tuned...
Next week's Tell TUESDAY videoblog features my sister (Evie's aunt), who was such a big part of my family's healing, but in this video shares her own family's story. The video is recorded and ready to be uploaded. I can't wait for you to hear it. Her words. Her voice. No more silence. No more shame.
Do *you* have a story to share?
Mags Karn
Author of The Tell: A Memoir
*** WRITING THE WRONG ***
No more silence. No more shame.
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